


Conflicted Hearts

by LadyTauriel



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-29
Updated: 2014-08-29
Packaged: 2018-02-15 05:55:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2218317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyTauriel/pseuds/LadyTauriel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You have involved my now late mother in your ploys to gain command of the ship. You have embarrassed me in front of the whole Academy by reprogramming the <i>Kobayashi Maru</i> scenario; as well as in front of the whole ship, by referencing the events of my personal life. You have offended my honour. I will relinquish my control over the <i>Enterprise</i> for the time being. However, afterwards, if an afterwards will come to pass, I request a duel of my terms. Or are otherworldly cultures just as meaningless to you and the Prime Directive and the law?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Conflicted Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place right after the snippet in the Star Trek (2009) movie, where Jim accuses Spock of not loving his mother. It's based on the scene in the Russian novel _Fathers and Sons_ , by Ivan Turgenev, in which Pavel Petrovich challenges Bazarov to a duel. The latter is a nihilist and completely uninterested in the duel, but he acquiesces anyways, harming the former.
> 
> This is unbeta-ed. I don't have a beta at the moment, so if you're interested in beta-ing for me for the fandoms, for which I write, please let me know.

Spock stood there, not responding. With a sudden spike of sadness, Jim wondered whether he had spoken the truth; whether Spock really felt nothing for the people around him. As he was half-human, Jim would think it impossible. However, the way he was simply staring at him could mean anything. 

"I challenge you to a duel," Spock said suddenly. 

"Excuse me?" Jim asked, truly confused. 

"You have made ridiculous assumptions about me," Spock told him. "You have involved my now late mother in your ploys to gain command of the ship. You have embarrassed me in front of the whole Academy by reprogramming the _Kobayashi Maru_ scenario; as well as in front of the whole ship, by referencing the events of my personal life. You have offended my honour. I will relinquish my control over the _Enterprise_ for the time being. However, afterwards, if an afterwards will come to pass, I request a duel of my terms. Or are otherworldly cultures just as meaningless to you and the Prime Directive and the law?" 

Jim stared at Spock, trying to comprehend the man in front of him. The pain in his eyes was obvious; it made Jim feel guilty immediately for bringing it out within him. But over that, he could see intent. Jim wasn't ever up for something as self-sacrificing and as a duel, but he couldn't help but respect Spock's need for honour. 

"Fine," he agreed. "I accept your proposal to a duel of your terms. But first, we've got Nero to stop." 

"Do you swear to uphold your agreement?" Spock pressed. 

"I do." 

Afterwards, Jim didn't get much of an opportunity to think about the duel, or how Spock wanted to take the lights out of him. After Nero and the _Narada_ was engulfed by the black hole, and the warm welcome on Earth that awaited them abated, Jim had almost forgotten that the proposition of a duel still stood between them. It was only after he hugged Spock in friendship, happiness, relief for the first time, did the memory suddenly hit him like a freight train. 

He sidestepped around it for almost a year, as repairs were being overseen on the _Enterprise_ before its five-year mission. Jim rented a flat in San Francisco, simply to have a place to go back to, when he wasn't up on the ship. Spock was gone for the first few months, helping on the New Vulcan colony. When he returned to Earth, he worked alongside Jim on the ship more often than not. Jim knew that he would probably return to New Vulcan instead of stay in Starfleet. For some reason, it didn't relieve him, that the possibly life-threatening duel would be avoided. All Jim could think about was the aching pain in his gut. 

It was a day like any other, when Jim and Spock played chess for the first time, after a long and hard day of work. Spock beat Jim, unsurprisingly, but a small smile spread on the Vulcan's face, after the game ended. Not a victorious grin, but a smile of content that he just played a fairly difficult match and won. It made Jim feel instantly guilty: this was the man who had challenged Jim to a duel for talking shit about his relationship with his mother, and here Jim was. Accepting Spock's smiles, as if everything was alright. 

"Spock," Jim said warily, "remember what we agreed on, before you handed over captaincy to me?" 

"Affirmative," Spock responded seriously, the smile disappearing instantly from his face. 

"Is it called off?" Jim asked. 

"Negative," Spock said with obvious disappointment. "It is an aspect of Vulcan culture, which is impossible to be disrespected.” 

"An aspect of culture, which would probably kill either of us?" Jim asked in disbelief. "Or do you mean _literally_ impossible?" 

"I am reluctant to confirm, that it is indeed an impossibility." Spock said. "However, it is the truth. Not only is it a great offence to the Vulcan Way to attempt to cancel a duel, but it is bound by an oath. The oath is not one meant to be broken: it binds the mind. If plans are made to break it, both of our minds will suffer greatly from it." 

"Why did you make me swear to an oath like that?!" Jim exclaimed. "I thought it was illogical to have such violence." 

"Honour, as well as ancient tradition, has been important to Vulcans, even before the time of Surak," Spock replied. "In addition, it is logical to settle a matter as effectively as possible. I am ashamed to admit, that in my compromised state, I viewed your possible death through a fair duel as righteous." 

"Jesus Christ," Jim muttered. "I understand you, but now we have to suffer for that. What are the parameters of the duel?" 

"There are fifteen metres between the two opponents," Spock explained. "The challenged opponent attacks first with a _lirpa_ by aiming and throwing it at the opponent. If the challenger is not injured or killed, he attacks as well. This continues until an injury or death of one of the opponents." 

Jim's heart froze in his chest. "Spock, this is absolutely insane. I'd rather be hurt over you, but I you know how to use Vulcan weapons. Even with my first move advantage, if I miss, you'll easily kill me." 

"Then I suggest you do not miss," Spock pointed out coldly, standing to retrieve two _lirpas_ from his wardrobe. 

The last flare of hope died in Jim's chest. The idea of one of them suffering over an argument, which no longer stood between them with the same conviction, was absolutely absurd. He knew that hurting Spock in any way was the farthest thing from his mind a possible. He'd rather injure Spock's body, however, than permanently damage his mind by finding a way to avoid the duel. 

Spock chose an open space in an abandoned park for the duel to take place the next day. Jim didn't know much about _lirpas_ directly, but he had worked with all kinds of weapons in his Academy classes. This one was a cross between a knife and a spear, and they would use theirs as the latter. Jim did know how to throw spears, but he spent the rest of his free time until the morning, practising his aim and studying the details of Vulcan anatomy. He would purposefully aim in a direction, which would only wound Spock and end the match. 

When they met fifteen metres apart from one another in the park's clearing, Jim's heart began racing in his chest for real. Both of them were wearing loose pants and the black t-shirts of their uniforms. They exchanged no words, both simply staring at one another across the clearance. Even through the black material, Jim could outline the nerves across Spock's body with his eyes. The shoulder would be the best place to aim. However, Jim knew that Spock would duck out of the way. 

Jim raised the _lirpa_ , aimed it at Spock's heart, and threw it. 

It was apparent that Spock had been taken aback by Jim's speed. He moved to his left to duck and roll out of the way only a second too late, allowing the _lirpa_ to do more than just graze him. It pierced through the lower half of his arm, taking him to the ground completely. Jim ran towards him frantically, quickly calling nine one one on his communicator and grabbing his pack with the first aid kit in the process. 

"Spock!" he yelled, kneeling down at the Vulcan's feet. Spock was trying to sit up, but the pool of green blood pouring from his arm and onto the ground was forming quicky. He could detect dizziness in Spock's eyes. Despite Jim's protests, Spock pulled the _lirpa_ the rest of the way out of the wound, reaching for Jim. 

"I'm here, Spock, I'm here," Jim whispered, making a quick tourniquet with the materials he had. Even though Bones had asked about the duel after Spock proposed it, Jim had refused to elaborate. He hadn't known much about it himself. Having Bones over would have been extremely useful at the moment. Luckily, Jim knew how to stop the bleeding temporarily, before a hospital arrived. 

"Jim," Spock whispered. "You have been preparing yourself?" 

"Last minute practice to avoid the death of either of us," Jim said, laughing dryly. "Was the agreement fulfilled?" 

"Yes," Spock replied softly. "It is no longer a weight in my mind." 

"You're not wasting your energy on an 'affirmative'? You're scaring me, Spock. I'm so sorry that I had to do this." 

"It is I who must apologise," Spock managed to say, sitting up with Jim's help. "I should not have been so quick to judge you on the day of destruction of Vulcan-that-was. It was tempting, yet illogical." 

"I didn't want you to die," Jim whispered, pulling Spock to him, wrapping his arms around him, and burying his face in the Vulcan's neck. "I don't think you can understand the ache I'm experiencing from hurting you like this. I meant to only graze you, but you didn't move out of the way as quickly as I was anticipating. But I can't blame you. It's me, who-" 

Spock cut him off with a short, open-mouthed kiss to Jim's lips. It was full of exhaustion. Jim froze, unable to understand, what was going through Spock's head. In a few moments, he pressed back into the kiss, before pulling away and cradling Spock's head. 

"What was that for?" Jim asked him gently. 

"It is what I did not know that I possessed, but what I did not wish to lose," Spock confessed. "After what has just transpired, I am compelled to share myself freely with you." 

"Don't worry," Jim whispered, leaning his forehead against Spock's. "This is something you won't lose."


End file.
